The People’s Review XI: Batman Begins

In anticipation of the big movie of the week, the People’s Critic took a few hours to sit down and review how it all started. The film follows the childhood and training of young arch-capitalist Bruce Wayne into a weapon for the people to strike back against capitalism and his transformation into a Fascist demagogue.

We start off with young Bruce Wayne, lost after his capitalist childhood left him arrogant and weak in the face of a poor member of the proletariat trying to make a living mugging capitalists.  After he is denied the revenge he hoped to find, he journeys the world causing mischief.  He is approached by a mysterious Jedi, who gives him a vague task in order to get the training he needs to fight injustice. After easily completing the quest, he starts his training.  After an epic training montage, he is tasked with one final test. The test is to execute a man, to show that Bruce is all in on taking the fight to the capitalist pig dogs. He refuses, and attacks his mentors, burning down their hard built home.

Back in Gotham, Bruce sets out to get the bourgeois tools he needs to protect the capitalist and get more members of the proletariat put behind bars.  He quickly becomes a feared figure in Gotham’s hard working criminal underground as he embarks on a campaign of terrorism.  Their elected commissar, Falcone, is beaten to a pulp and left for dead.  The police of Gotham, tasked with protecting the people, are shocked and outraged by this new outlaw.

Batman’s success is short lived as a new threat emerges. The master of Arkum Asylum is working with a mysterious overlord to cause mayhem in Gotham. Batman quickly terrorizes the poor narrows community, nearly killing King Joffrey, and drives the proletariat populace mad as he destroys half the town in his mission to save his girlfriend.  Bruce soon realizes his old masters have returned with a new plan to destroy his capitalist paradise.  

In a blistering sneak attack, the burn down Wayne manor and make off to execute their plan.  Batman is left to hurry after them, causing wanton destruction.  After another round of terrifying the proletariat with his terroristic activities, Batman flies off to kill the champions of the proletariat.  With the help of the corrupt cop, Sgt. Gordon, Batman is able to rain death upon the proletariat.  After killing the Jedi, Batman stands alone, a symbol of fear to the proletariat.  They will tremble as he approaches, knowing that any enemy of the Fascists Capitalist state can expect brutal corporal punishment without any form of judicial review.  Batman is the judge, jury, and executioner of his vigilante justice.