People’s Review XII: Hall Pass

Let it now be said that the People’s Critic is serious all the time. Occasionally a film for comedy comes into the Commissar’s desk. The film “Hall Pass” would have been a humorous film were it not for the thinly veiled capitalist plot to undermine the proletariat throughout the film. The People’s Critic’s stern face throughout the film told volumes.

The film is set in the bourgeois paradise called Rhode Island. In this soulless capitalist society, men are beaten into submission by their capitalist overlords called “wives”. The hard working men of the proletariat are forced to toil in endless torment. Their dreams are crushed. Enter what on the surface seems like a golden ticket from the masters, the hall pass. Freedom is granted to the oppressed for one week, at which point they are to re-enter into servitude. The obvious flaw in this plan is that slaves who taste freedom do not wish to give it up so freely.

We soon learn that the hapless heroes of the proletariat are so indoctrinated into their servitude that they are utterly clueless as to what to do with their freedom. They start off by going to places for the consumption of food in order to explore their freedom, but are quickly beaten into submission by steak. They then attempt to visit places for entertainment and sporting, but are also defeated by capitalism lure of hallucinogenic intoxicants. Meanwhile, their capitalist overlords are enjoying the lap of luxury in the capitalist Mecca of Cape Cod.

The next day, in an effort to get over their capitalist indoctrination, they imbibe alcohol at a local watering hole and attempt to chat up women. They fail heavily as their indoctrination proves too powerful for the liquid courage. They fail so thoroughly, that they end up spending the fourth day recovering from their injuries, both physical and mental. On day five, Rick gets some success but flaunting his experience against a more inexperienced male at a local caffeine bar. Pressing his luck, he follows the female to the local gym. While stalking her, he manages to fall asleep to humorous ends. While this is occurring, Fred attempts to get a special message at an Asian massage parlor, but he is revealed to a mixed group of bourgeois and proletariat, causing much embarrassment.

On the final day, an aged member of the proletariat arrives to guide the protagonists of our story. Taking them to a social setting, he guides them on strategy and technique for defeating the bourgeois female. Fred takes off with a female, while Rick brings the target of his stalking to the wise sage’s after- party. Rick is able to get nearly to his goal, but the brainwashing indoctrination by his capitalist overlord prevented him from enjoying his freedom. Fred runs into some difficulties with female one, but has a second female dropped into his lap. As he is seizing the moment for the worldwide worker, Fred interrupts them with harsh news. The capitalist overlords have been engaging in illicit activity, resulting in a casualty. Shocked, they fight their way past a lesser bourgeois brandishing a firearm.

Sneaking through the enemy lines of Cape Cod, they are able to successfully evade enemy fire and reach the hospital and cottage to find comfort in the embrace of their overlords. Having successfully demonstrated the power of their indoctrination, the capitalist express their narcissistic satisfaction with themselves. The proletariat returns to toiling in servitude and the capitalist agenda comes full circle. The People’s Critic was not entertained by the shameless self-promotion by the capitalist sponsors of this film. This was a thinly veiled capitalist plot to encourage blind servitude by the proletariat.

The People’s Review XI: Batman Begins

In anticipation of the big movie of the week, the People’s Critic took a few hours to sit down and review how it all started. The film follows the childhood and training of young arch-capitalist Bruce Wayne into a weapon for the people to strike back against capitalism and his transformation into a Fascist demagogue.

We start off with young Bruce Wayne, lost after his capitalist childhood left him arrogant and weak in the face of a poor member of the proletariat trying to make a living mugging capitalists.  After he is denied the revenge he hoped to find, he journeys the world causing mischief.  He is approached by a mysterious Jedi, who gives him a vague task in order to get the training he needs to fight injustice. After easily completing the quest, he starts his training.  After an epic training montage, he is tasked with one final test. The test is to execute a man, to show that Bruce is all in on taking the fight to the capitalist pig dogs. He refuses, and attacks his mentors, burning down their hard built home.

Back in Gotham, Bruce sets out to get the bourgeois tools he needs to protect the capitalist and get more members of the proletariat put behind bars.  He quickly becomes a feared figure in Gotham’s hard working criminal underground as he embarks on a campaign of terrorism.  Their elected commissar, Falcone, is beaten to a pulp and left for dead.  The police of Gotham, tasked with protecting the people, are shocked and outraged by this new outlaw.

Batman’s success is short lived as a new threat emerges. The master of Arkum Asylum is working with a mysterious overlord to cause mayhem in Gotham. Batman quickly terrorizes the poor narrows community, nearly killing King Joffrey, and drives the proletariat populace mad as he destroys half the town in his mission to save his girlfriend.  Bruce soon realizes his old masters have returned with a new plan to destroy his capitalist paradise.  

In a blistering sneak attack, the burn down Wayne manor and make off to execute their plan.  Batman is left to hurry after them, causing wanton destruction.  After another round of terrifying the proletariat with his terroristic activities, Batman flies off to kill the champions of the proletariat.  With the help of the corrupt cop, Sgt. Gordon, Batman is able to rain death upon the proletariat.  After killing the Jedi, Batman stands alone, a symbol of fear to the proletariat.  They will tremble as he approaches, knowing that any enemy of the Fascists Capitalist state can expect brutal corporal punishment without any form of judicial review.  Batman is the judge, jury, and executioner of his vigilante justice.

The People’s Review X: The Room

The people’s critic appreciates a good drama. This film has it all: Relationships, battles with drug use and gangs, pregnancy, cheating, cancer, suicide and Tommy Wiseau. Yet the film is poisoned by a thinly veiled attempt at capitalist propaganda. The result is what is termed a black comedy.

The film centers on the relationship between Johnny and Lisa. Johnny is a hard working member of the proletariat. He supports his friends in every way imaginable through his tireless work. His bourgeois girlfriend lives a life of luxury on the fruits of his labor. She proceeds to complete a cruel plan of events for Johnny. It all starts with Johnny’s best friend, Mark. As Mark is want to tell, he is Johnny’s best friend, but Lisa looks really good in a red dress. Mark is powerless to resist the bourgeois silver tongue. Lisa then gets Johnny inebriated with alcohol and after he passes out, makes allegations of abuse to discredit Johnny. He is quite torn up about it.

Meanwhile, Denny is a young man that Johnny has scooped up off the streets to take care of and turn into a fine member of the proletariat. Unfortunately, Chris R is a menacing capitalist drug dealer. Chris R manages to get Denny in debt to him, thereby justifying him coming over and pistol whipping Denny for his own gluttonous pleasure. Johnny and his best friend Mark manage to arrive just in time to save Denny and show Chris R the door, never to return. Lisa and her mother are very shocked, and ask what the hell is wrong with you, Denny, but Denny doesn’t know.

Also meanwhile, Lisa’s mother visits to inform her that the results were in, and she definitely has cancer. As unfortunate news as this is, Lisa is capitalist to the core and her narcissism prevents her mother from getting the support she needs. While this is going on, the gang’s psychologist friend Peter tries to guide Mark away only to be rebuffed. After a fall in an ally, it is assumed he gets gangrene and dies, never to be seen again. Peter is clearly another victim of the capitalist health care system.

Lisa’s plotting continues as she tells him that she is pregnant, lifting his spirits. At this peak, Lisa crushes him when Johnny learns that Lisa is cheating when he overhears her talking. At Johnny’s birthday party, tensions reach a climax as Lisa shamelessly flaunts the affair in Johnny’s face as only a cold hearted capitalist could. Johnny attacks his best friend Mark and retreats to his bathroom in shame. Lisa leaves and Johnny listens to his illegal wiretapping operation, confirming his suspicions. With Lisa’s plan complete, Johnny loses control and destroys his apartment before killing himself in despair. Johnny could not cope in this capitalist society any longer.

Ratings:

Capitalist Slant: 6/10 While the arch Capitalist Lisa is successful, her methods are apparently dispicable.

Beauty of Lisa in a red dress: 10/10 Lisa looks great in a red dress.

People's Recommendation: Watch this classic of American black comedy to learn the perils of being a best friend.

People's Review IX: Independence Day

The People's Critic is not blind. The skies over America are filled with mock combat demonstrations in celebration of the Capitalist Imperial dream. In response I shall review Independence Day, a film that is a thinly veiled attempt to stir up populist anger against the hard working proletariat.

The film starts when a group of hard working aliens arrives at the planet earth. They send out large landing craft to scout the planet for ruinous torture of the working masses. Finding that the planet is covered in capitalist greed, they make the logical conclusion that destroying the great monuments to excess and greed, the metropolis, will help start a proletariat revolution. 

The bourgeois react in typical fashion, unleashing their nuclear weapons. The proletariat is prepared for this, and survive unscathed. They respond by sending out their glorious hero's of the people to smite the evil bourgeois attackers. A glorious victory is one as Capitalist forces fall back at every turn.

Meanwhile the evil capitalists regroup in their secret underground bunker at Area 51.  The viewer discovers that the Capitalists have been studying and stealing technology from the alien proletariat for 50 years.  They hatch a plan to infiltrate the proletariat mother ship and destroy it from the inside. Armed with bourgeois weapons and a computer hacker, Will Smith flies them into the heart of the people. The film infuses a bit of humor in here as they commit genocide on a massive scale against the proletariat aliens.

Back on earth, the Capitalists coordinate around the world to attack and destroy the landing craft in an effort to complete their genocide. After the Americans succeed in an overly dramatic victory, the world celebrates the slaughter of the proletariat and the protection of the greedy capitalist lifestyle.

Ratings:

Capitalist Slant: 7/10 While the capitalists take heavy losses, they are protrayed as glorious defenders of laissez-faire economic models dressed up as a defense of all humankind.

 Proletariat Genocide 10/10 As every member of the alien proletariat is massacred. Including the little tentacle babies and mommies.

People's Recommendation: Avoid and denounce for the Capitalist Propaganda that it is!

People’s Review VIII: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

This is a film that celebrates one of America’s great heroes for being a mass murderer of fantasy monsters.  Abraham Lincoln was a great champion of the proletariat before the idea of the proletariat was even popularized. The south was constructed on a system of unbridled capitalism in which even human beings were considered mere goods to be bought and sold.  Abraham Lincoln mobilized the forces of his proletariat north in order to invade and crush the capitalist institution of slavery.  For that he is a great hero of all workers. 

This film casts this hero in a far different light. The overarching events of his life are still there, but each detail is glamorized as a life dedicated to destroying vampires. The Vampires are portrayed as titans of capitalism.  Perhaps they make a good point, as all capitalists live off the life-blood of the proletariat.  In this case is it literal. They are cruel and vicious, with no qualms about their decadence.  Even the ostensibly innocent are not off-limits to these bourgeois beasts. 

Enter a young Abraham Lincoln, working as a child laborer to assist his hard working father. Witnessing a gross injustice against his proletariat brother, he leaps into action. For this, his mother is executed in brutally painful fashion by the capitalist pigs. Years later and grown, Abraham returns to get justice for the proletariat. Unfortunately for him, corporations are hard to kill and they soon get the upper hand through an obvious legal loophole in that they are vampires and Abraham is merely human. Fortunately for him, he is saved by a mysterious stranger. 

The stranger takes on Abraham and teaches him the skills he will need to destroy the capitalist vampires. Pretty soon, Abraham is ready to be sent out to begin his righteous mission.  After a rough start, he manages to kill enough vampires to be noticed by the vampire CEO, Adam.  Abraham heads down to the great center of decadence and capitalist extremism, New Orleans, and slaughters large numbers of vampires before escaping.  Having learned about just how pervasive the capitalist problem is, Abraham decides that he can kill more bourgeois with politics than with an ax.

Thus begins a montage scene of Abraham getting old and the capitalists seceding to form their own nation.  Abraham decides to launch his war to eradicate the capitalists corporate state.  The war goes well until the vampires are unleashed in great numbers. The vampires even executed Abraham’s son. Undaunted, he mobilizes the proletariat to confiscate the silver from the northern bourgeois. The vampires, afraid of this threat attempt to stop Abraham by assaulting his train and burning a bridge. Being a great hero of the proletariat Abraham overcomes the vampire threat, driving them from the Americas.  A glorious victory for all workers!

Ratings:

Capitalist Slant: 1/10 Due to the realistic portrayal of capitalist as vampires.

Bourgeois death count 10/10 As the Abraham Lincoln is a ruthless slayer of decadent pig dogs.

People's Recommendation: Celebrate this hero of the worker's paradise!